This week I decided while the girls were in school I'd get their room cleaned up & OUT LOL We talked about it Sunday! Getting rid of old things, moving around things they want to keep, and anything else they may want.
Change is good and seeing that my girl embrace that is amazing. All good vibes.
The excitement has been building, and they were excited to see a TV in their room yesterday when we got home.
The girls played and of course still made their way back to my room, LOL
Since school has started Malayah has wanted to see more photos of her Daddy. I knew this to be no coincidence, being that there are plenty of Dads dropping their kiddos off at school.
Of course I open up the gallery in my phone of the memories every time she asks.
And yesterday after she spent some time in her room, it hit her, her Daddy.
She said " Mommy I need some pictures of my Daddy", not I want to see them SHE NEEDS THEM. It hit me like a ton of bricks.
I have been avoiding photos. I've been avoiding facing the pain of a mother's loss.
I've read the books, written every day in my journal, embraced the growth mindset, hell I've created a full mentoring program to help other dealing with grief.
As a woman I have been healing. As a Mother, I have not.
See the pain & complication as an individual isn't as complex as a Mother's.
You see the pain of seeing your child not understand circumstances with such complexities such as separation of parents, addiction, death, and wish for things to be different is agonizing.
To not only try to understand it yourself but have to learn how to articulate these things with age sensitivity to YOUR OWN CHILD.
Open conversation with them has been key to keeping the conversation, well, open.
Allowing them to ask questions, tell me what they're feeling, what the know and understand.
LISTEN, acknowledge their thoughts, feelings, and opinions. Reassuring it's ok to keep asking questions.
Reassuring them, that it's ok to be upset, to be hurt, that feelings are just a natural part of how we deal with life but the quality of life we have is not dictated by those feelings.
It is how we choose to heal and address our feelings, and learn from, THAT is what influences our quality of life.
Opening my eyes to reparenting myself, in the way that I choose to parents my girls is a practice I fight for daily.
And isn't it something special that my own daughter would confirm the ways in which I am pursuing this new life?
This one's for the girls ❤️
